Living Boldly in a World of Unknowns
Looking back, I was afraid. I was afraid of everything...of getting cancer....of my kids getting sick or hurt...of losing my husband. A day didn't go by when a tiny little thought of fear was allowed to creep into my perspectives of daily routine. Something changed in me. I know it was God working in my life through our move but none the less it changed me.
In January of 2019, we took the biggest leap of faith this small town girl could have ever done. We split our family, taking the girls and I to Lebanon, Missouri, living in a rental for 4 months. A town where we knew no one except our realtor, six hours from any who could help if we were in trouble, and away from all our family.
We were born and raised near Council Bluffs, Iowa, a place where generations of our family have lived, loved, and died. Why leave a place shrouded in memories, support, and love? God had a plan and with most plans His was one of spiritual growth.
This past spring I found an area on my breast that required a mammogram. I had to wait a week for the test to be done. I was quiet, introspective, and teary about the thought of how cancer would affect us financially, but, I was not fearful. For the first time in my life, I was not riddled with fear of the unknown. In God's plans there are no unknowns.
There are moments where I still do not live boldly. I was fearful of traveling to Iowa during the newly proclaimed isolation orders to see my dying grandmother and grieve with my family. I was not going to make that same mistake when only a month later I lost my aunt. Opportunity aligned that I could hitch a ride with a fellow church person on his way to work in Texas. God answered my prayer by providing this ride, albeit not all prayers are answered so obviously, but oh how sweet it is when they are. I was able to go and help my family in Texas after my aunt's passing. Living boldly looked like me leaving my family during the covid isolation and traveling through three states to be with my grieving family. Living boldly has no regrets.
Enjoying a ride with Eli the night before my mammogram.
Today more than ever living a life boldly without fear is critical to weaving a quality of life. I am not saying living boldly means making foolish decisions that could hurt yourself or others, anyone who knows me knows that I am far from a risk taker. I am saying a hug to someone who is hurting will be worth the risk of getting exposed to an invisible virus. I am saying reaching out to help someone in the store does not mean that you will get sick. Living boldly means continuing to live, I mean really live, not just exist, in a world that is full of unknowns
Living boldly is making those daily little decisions without a nagging fear. Living boldly means not being afraid to die because you know you are going to a better place. The wonderful thing about living boldly is how it looks differently for each and every one of us in every stage of life.
The challenge will be how to continue living boldly once a comfortableness settles into our new surrounding. How will I try to do this? Keep eyes and ears open to opportunities. Read, read, and read, about how others have lived boldly. I can not express enough how reading opens your world and keeps your perspective heightened. Above all, pray for those moments which will allow you to live boldly in God's plan.
